Shocking Identity of Election Conspiracist "Lone Raccoon" Revealed

Elections

  • by: Ed Payne
Internet Conspiracist Lone Raccoon Revealed To Br Son of Former President

Lead Stories recently reported on the hoax being perpetrated upon the American people regarding the Mesa County, Colorado election "Bombshell Report" written by disgraced ex-Ska Trombonist Jeffrey O'Donnell (also known as "The Lone Raccoon") and his co-conspirator Dr. Walter Daugherty. We are now in possession of a classified document from the Pentagon which shows that the mysterious Mr. O'Donnell does not actually exist - and is actually a front for 16 year old Barron Trump, son of the twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump.

Further research shows that the underage computer whiz has been masquerading as O'Donnell and "The Lone Raccoon" since at least August, 2021. To hide his identity, the Trump organization hired little-known actor Mervyn Fishman to be the public face of the operation. Fishman has had bit parts in several movies and television shows, and recently performed the lead role in an off-broadway production of "King Lear". The Dubuque Daily Standard's thater critic, Robert Simonize, wrote after seeing Fishman's performance:

Shakespeare would have chewed off both of his hands at the wrist early in his career had he know his writing would lead to such incompetence.

Fishman did not respond to a request for comment, as he currently in Rangoon, Burma, filming a commercial for Bath Salts.

Barron Trump's computer systems acumen is well known, and there is no doubt that his prowess was used by his father to attempt to revive the unsubstantiated, debunked claims of election fraud in the 2020 election. Barron writes as "The Lone Raccoon" on a Telegram channel, where he refers to his hundreds of thousands of "subscribers" as an "army". The channel's stated purpose is the violent overthrow of the legitimate American government and installation of ex-President Trump as President for Life.

"The juvenile tone to this Raccoon person's writing was a real giveaway," stated criminal zoologist Hans Richards. "He once suggested solving the problems of the middle-east with a winner take all Risk game. I think this and other factors allowed the government to get to the bottom of this pretty quickly. Barron is nearly as tall as Seth Keshel, so he definitely has the ability to create and then discover fake evidence of election fraud."

According to sources, all of this information has been given to the House Jan 6 Commission, where it will surely be used to finish the Orange Man once and for all.

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